When is this fucking winter going to end? For the first time in my life, I really can't wait for it to be over. It snowed again today. I can't remember one like it!
On another quick note, as I am going to bed shortly, I was told the other day that my approach to revenge and being fucked with is "right wing". Is that a bad thing? At the end of the day, you can stick whatever fucking pointless label you want on it, but what matters is this: I would like to think that people that fuck with me get what's coming to them. Not by karma or any of that bullshit. By my own hand. Not (necessarily) literally. Yeah, the moral high ground exists, but I want to take the high and low ground.
Know: You were wrong and basically an utter fucktard.
Know: Don't do it to me again.
Yes, I am thinking of specific people.
Despite the two points raised here, I am actually in a good mood! Working tomorrow, plus the green stall with People & Planet, plus footy! Hopefully I can save up for the new Crime In Stereo album! Oh yeah, one FINAL thing- I am getting more than a bit sick of getting told I listen to only punk or kiddy music. If that were true, does that matter? I want to note two things: I love my music uncontrollably. It has become my life. Secondly, I have never fallen victim to some shitty trend or what's hot bullshit. What I loved 10 years ago I still love now, and what I love today I will love 10 years from now. You'll never catch me saying "I used to listen to...".
I'll stick to what I know. Besides, the alternative is full-on-wank. Take dub-step for example, or Jeffrey Lewis. No hard feelings Tom, he's poor! And it's nothing to do with me "not understanding him"!
I should quit drinking. My blog probably comes across as quite teeny and bitchy. But, hell, I write this for me and basically pour out my thoughts. Which is why I rabble so much, like now, or there's a lot of anger.
I never claimed to be perfect though.
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
It's Funny, I Don't Feel Like A Winner
Ok, a lot to cover. First of all I just want to state that people who believe there is not an unwritten law that allows you to take someone else's chips or sweets without asking. If you do that, you are more than likely to be a cunt. I shouldn't have to say "excuse me, I bought these. With my own money. So, ya know... fuck off". Ahem.
Secondly, I should probably talk about the BUCS Cross Country Championships in Stirling. This was a dismal failure for me. I have never ran cross country, ever. The distance was 12k, (it actually turned out to be 11.1k) and I figured that seeing as I managed 10k okay, I shouldn't need to do any extra training. How wrong I was. I should note that I did "give up" drinking for the week before hand, so I did take it a little seriously. Although the primary reason for this was lack of funds. Whilst I always knew I wouldn't be at the front of the field, I didn't care as the uni paid the hotel so the shit finish would have been a worthy price to pay. The first thing I hated about the trip was going to Nottingham Uni to get the coach with the Nottingham and Coventry teams. Nottingham Uni is huge and actually good. I got the same feeling I got when I went to Birmingham Uni. I know a lot of people say I'm a pessimist, but I can't help feeling like a failure when I compare these traditional, "proper" universities to Derby. I always thought I was intelligent, but reality is starting to bite hard and it's hard to accept the fact that I'm just not as smart as I used to be. This feeling was repeated upon arriving at Stirling, which is simply massive and rightly deserves it's official tag of "most beautiful uni in the country".
The second thing was obviously the race itself. We (Stu, Ben, James and Clair) walked the course beforehand and that was hard enough! It had been raining, but even without that, some of the hills were just silly. I started to really shit myself at this point. Everyone assured me I would be fine so I went along with it. When the gun went, fuck me was I slow. At first I thought everyone was sprinting, but it soon became clear that everyone was actually jogging at their normal pace. By the fourth turn, I was last. By a considerable distance. By the end of the first long lap (which actually turned out to be the one short lap, totally fucking up my mental state) people were asking me if I was still in the race. To be fair, people were nicer than I expected. Sure, people took the piss (one guy ringing the last lap bell), but in a nice way. People cheered me on, which was actually a great feeling. But I also felt shit, as I knew I looked unfit. Hell, I am. But the realisation was painful. By the time I came round to start lap 3 (of 4), I knew there was absolutely no chance of me overtaking anyone, so I thought it best to slip into the trees, remove my vest and walk into the crowd. This was the worst feeling I've had in a long time. On top of not feeling too great about myself, I felt like I had let the team down. Somehow, eventually, after a series of phone calls to Mum, Lewis and Nat, I cheered up and pulled myself together. I will never forget that feeling. Ever. I aim to return next year and put in a performance to be proud of. Training is still not that intense, but I feel like I need to concentrate on weight loss. On that note, Tom yesterday said that I have lost a lot of weight since September. Feeling good now!
I will have to continue this later as I have lost my trail of thought. Plus, Zama keeps farting on me in the library.
Secondly, I should probably talk about the BUCS Cross Country Championships in Stirling. This was a dismal failure for me. I have never ran cross country, ever. The distance was 12k, (it actually turned out to be 11.1k) and I figured that seeing as I managed 10k okay, I shouldn't need to do any extra training. How wrong I was. I should note that I did "give up" drinking for the week before hand, so I did take it a little seriously. Although the primary reason for this was lack of funds. Whilst I always knew I wouldn't be at the front of the field, I didn't care as the uni paid the hotel so the shit finish would have been a worthy price to pay. The first thing I hated about the trip was going to Nottingham Uni to get the coach with the Nottingham and Coventry teams. Nottingham Uni is huge and actually good. I got the same feeling I got when I went to Birmingham Uni. I know a lot of people say I'm a pessimist, but I can't help feeling like a failure when I compare these traditional, "proper" universities to Derby. I always thought I was intelligent, but reality is starting to bite hard and it's hard to accept the fact that I'm just not as smart as I used to be. This feeling was repeated upon arriving at Stirling, which is simply massive and rightly deserves it's official tag of "most beautiful uni in the country".
The second thing was obviously the race itself. We (Stu, Ben, James and Clair) walked the course beforehand and that was hard enough! It had been raining, but even without that, some of the hills were just silly. I started to really shit myself at this point. Everyone assured me I would be fine so I went along with it. When the gun went, fuck me was I slow. At first I thought everyone was sprinting, but it soon became clear that everyone was actually jogging at their normal pace. By the fourth turn, I was last. By a considerable distance. By the end of the first long lap (which actually turned out to be the one short lap, totally fucking up my mental state) people were asking me if I was still in the race. To be fair, people were nicer than I expected. Sure, people took the piss (one guy ringing the last lap bell), but in a nice way. People cheered me on, which was actually a great feeling. But I also felt shit, as I knew I looked unfit. Hell, I am. But the realisation was painful. By the time I came round to start lap 3 (of 4), I knew there was absolutely no chance of me overtaking anyone, so I thought it best to slip into the trees, remove my vest and walk into the crowd. This was the worst feeling I've had in a long time. On top of not feeling too great about myself, I felt like I had let the team down. Somehow, eventually, after a series of phone calls to Mum, Lewis and Nat, I cheered up and pulled myself together. I will never forget that feeling. Ever. I aim to return next year and put in a performance to be proud of. Training is still not that intense, but I feel like I need to concentrate on weight loss. On that note, Tom yesterday said that I have lost a lot of weight since September. Feeling good now!
I will have to continue this later as I have lost my trail of thought. Plus, Zama keeps farting on me in the library.
Thursday, 4 February 2010
The Real Damage
Well, for some unknown reason, I keep saying that I have to get so drunk I throw up at university. I guess that speaks volumes about the kind of (unproductive) person I am. At the moment I am "off the drink", which is my training for the 12k in Scotland on Saturday, which I am shitting it for. What does "off the drink" mean? It means that the first two days are alcohol free, I have a pint a day for three days, and then two pints, and then today I wake up with the worst hangover I've had in a long time. Which is confusing, as I didn't actually drink that much, bar the absinthe. Maybe I really am getting old.
On that note, it's been about 2 weeks now since I woke up in the middle of the night. At first I loved it, and I still do, but now I am starting to wonder what's changed? I thought you were supposed to sleep worse as you get older? Maybe I am just loving my life right now. I'll go with that for now. Even though I am horrificly poor and already feel behind in this semester. That is partly because I have had to drop Environmental Conservation and Introduction to Law in favour for Maps & Map Making, because both were unbearably irrelevant and shit. Especially Law. I rarely meet a Law student who isn't full of shit. So, there is an assessment in week 3 for Maps, and I wouldn't have gone to a class. Oh dear. On the plus side, having 2 classes on Friday means Wednesday and Thursday off. Which would be ideal for a job, if I found one that
a) takes me on
b) isn't Kedleston Road chippy.
Ok, off to running practice. My legs are stiff already. Fuck. I just want to note that yesterday I picked up my guitar and tried to play "Warbrain" by Alkaline Trio and got really down at how bad I am at playing and singing. Especially when done together. Today I feel a little better because my guitar is now in tune and I dropped the singing.
The title for this blog is in reference to one of the best songs of all time. Fact.
On that note, it's been about 2 weeks now since I woke up in the middle of the night. At first I loved it, and I still do, but now I am starting to wonder what's changed? I thought you were supposed to sleep worse as you get older? Maybe I am just loving my life right now. I'll go with that for now. Even though I am horrificly poor and already feel behind in this semester. That is partly because I have had to drop Environmental Conservation and Introduction to Law in favour for Maps & Map Making, because both were unbearably irrelevant and shit. Especially Law. I rarely meet a Law student who isn't full of shit. So, there is an assessment in week 3 for Maps, and I wouldn't have gone to a class. Oh dear. On the plus side, having 2 classes on Friday means Wednesday and Thursday off. Which would be ideal for a job, if I found one that
a) takes me on
b) isn't Kedleston Road chippy.
Ok, off to running practice. My legs are stiff already. Fuck. I just want to note that yesterday I picked up my guitar and tried to play "Warbrain" by Alkaline Trio and got really down at how bad I am at playing and singing. Especially when done together. Today I feel a little better because my guitar is now in tune and I dropped the singing.
The title for this blog is in reference to one of the best songs of all time. Fact.
Monday, 1 February 2010
Only You
Well, today marks 5 years since me and Nat became genuine lovers. However, we are not celebrating it as we are both poorer than poor. Year 6 is going to be HUGE. I love Nat. So much. I never gave it much thought in the beginning, but if I could have known we were to go through all we have back then, I would have exploded. Here's to the next 5!
Speaking of 5, I still can't be on the phone for more than 5 minutes without getting seriously angry. My phone is still broken. I think I may fuck phones off.
Speaking of 5, I still can't be on the phone for more than 5 minutes without getting seriously angry. My phone is still broken. I think I may fuck phones off.
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
Cultural Great Leap Backwards
Ha, the title for this one isn't completely relevant, but I wanted to reference Ward Corner.
I just remembered what I wanted to note the other day; the fact that over this Christmas period, I reached two records; one low and one high. During the trip to Ceauce, I became the poorest I ever have been: I had £5 available to me. Whilst my balance has been lower than that before, I have record debts right now. May I PLEASE get a job this year!
The second record was a new high; my weight. I weighed in at 16st 13lbs. Fully clothed though, so it wasn't quite that high. Holy. Fuck. I must admit, I was shocked. Nevermind, it hasn't stopped the alcohol. Carlsberg Special Brew and shrooms the other day. Here's to 18 stone!
I just remembered what I wanted to note the other day; the fact that over this Christmas period, I reached two records; one low and one high. During the trip to Ceauce, I became the poorest I ever have been: I had £5 available to me. Whilst my balance has been lower than that before, I have record debts right now. May I PLEASE get a job this year!
The second record was a new high; my weight. I weighed in at 16st 13lbs. Fully clothed though, so it wasn't quite that high. Holy. Fuck. I must admit, I was shocked. Nevermind, it hasn't stopped the alcohol. Carlsberg Special Brew and shrooms the other day. Here's to 18 stone!
Sunday, 10 January 2010
I'll Never Be An Astronaut
Ok, so it's been a while again, and I did have loads I wanted to write. Ceauce was great, and it came at just the right time to allow me to take a step back and have a good hard think. I didn't give up drink as (not really) anticipated, for example I am drinking Carlsberg Special Brew right now, but I slowed down for a bit. Looking forward to getting back into uni again. I thought I should record some of new year's resolutions for this year.
- Watch 365 films this year
- Read 12 books this year
- Run a half marathon
- Perform at an open mic
- Others that I can't think of right now
Friday, 18 December 2009
Killing Me
No more drink for a month! No more gambling ever! I now have no online accounts left with anyone. Let's see how that goes.
One thing I have realised with the scub coming up today; spending time away from her really makes it harder to lose weight. I must underestimate how many calories we lose together!
One thing I have realised with the scub coming up today; spending time away from her really makes it harder to lose weight. I must underestimate how many calories we lose together!
Thursday, 17 December 2009
Suckers Intl. Has Gone Public
The toilet perfume guy in Zanzibar declared "no spray, no lay". I can't quite put this into words right now, but I felt like a total idiot being in the same sphere as certain people last night.
Heh, I am a total idiot.
Heh, I am a total idiot.
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Disconnected
My phone has died and up until a second ago, my facebook was also down! My, how I panicked.
Protest the Hero went on AFTER, not BEFORE Strike Anywhere on Tuesday night. Which is not what was advertised. I have since heard that S.A. had gear issues, but still, how I hate that shitty band even more now.
Propagandhi were great as always, despite not smiling once. As always. They played "natural disasters", which meant Todd actually did some vocals! That was the highlight for me.
Protest the Hero went on AFTER, not BEFORE Strike Anywhere on Tuesday night. Which is not what was advertised. I have since heard that S.A. had gear issues, but still, how I hate that shitty band even more now.
Propagandhi were great as always, despite not smiling once. As always. They played "natural disasters", which meant Todd actually did some vocals! That was the highlight for me.
Friday, 27 November 2009
Help Me
Yet again I find that I haven't blogged for a while. Ah well, Bejewled ruins everything I guess. I recorded this list of songs recently from when I struggled through the Heanor 10k. I took my iPod and put it on a shuffle of top rated songs, and no word of a lie, this is what was played, in this order! Every single song was not only ace, but the lyrics seemed to speak out to me;
Above Them - For Those that Paved the Way (“We're tired but we're not giving in”)
NOFX - Eat the Meek (“Why must we stay, where we don't belong?”)
Strike Anywhere - I'm your Opposite Number (“We're still fighting each other, I'm your opposite number”)
Box Car Racer - Cat-like Thief (“The best thing yet to help you through and through”)
Passenger Action - The Flight Test (Instrumental, but inspiring all the same)
A Wilhelm Scream - Career Suicide (“Run, motherfucker, run!”)
Belvedere – Anaesthetic (“Time on my own...I'll ignore any reminder of my normal life”)
Idlewild - (The Night Will) Bring you Back to Life (“And you know that the night can bring you back to life”)
Intensity – Elecciones (A Mexican cover song about elections. It was the POWER that helped)
Only Crime - Eyes of the World (“and let me justify the time that I catch my breath”)
Blink 182 - Adam's Song (“I can't wait 'till I get home, to pass the time in my room alone”)
Box Car Racer - Letters to God (“I swear I'll take just one lifetime”... OK, so that was more reverse psychology)
Good Clean Fun - What Corporate Rock can't Say (“It never works to play their game, things always turn out the same”)
Propagandhi - Rock for Sustainable Capitalism (“If anyone out there understands, can I please see a show of hands? Just so I know I'm not insane”)
Intensity - Resist Control (“How much oppression can you take?... Resist control”)
Good Riddance - Darkest Days (“Running on adrenaline...looking for the end or a place I can finally come clean”)
Comeback Kid - The Blackstone (“The chilling sound is fitting in just right”)
The Ataris - Your Boyfriend Sucks (“and you're waiting there, it's tearing you apart”)
Stiff Little Fingers - Guitar & Drum (“I believe in the power of guitar & drum”... so true!)
Bush - Straight No Chaser (“Drink life as it comes, straight no chaser, life as it comes, straight no chaser, flying inside you, away from strangers...It's all in the way we know that we could have it all, some satellites of pain can always be ignored.” Not the most energetic song right at the finish, but fuck me, such a fucking great song.)
OK, so maybe a few were a little abstract, but I'll be damned if they didn't help me through every metre! Plus the Relentless, heh. Here's to the next one! Maybe I'll get round to writing again soon.
Above Them - For Those that Paved the Way (“We're tired but we're not giving in”)
NOFX - Eat the Meek (“Why must we stay, where we don't belong?”)
Strike Anywhere - I'm your Opposite Number (“We're still fighting each other, I'm your opposite number”)
Box Car Racer - Cat-like Thief (“The best thing yet to help you through and through”)
Passenger Action - The Flight Test (Instrumental, but inspiring all the same)
A Wilhelm Scream - Career Suicide (“Run, motherfucker, run!”)
Belvedere – Anaesthetic (“Time on my own...I'll ignore any reminder of my normal life”)
Idlewild - (The Night Will) Bring you Back to Life (“And you know that the night can bring you back to life”)
Intensity – Elecciones (A Mexican cover song about elections. It was the POWER that helped)
Only Crime - Eyes of the World (“and let me justify the time that I catch my breath”)
Blink 182 - Adam's Song (“I can't wait 'till I get home, to pass the time in my room alone”)
Box Car Racer - Letters to God (“I swear I'll take just one lifetime”... OK, so that was more reverse psychology)
Good Clean Fun - What Corporate Rock can't Say (“It never works to play their game, things always turn out the same”)
Propagandhi - Rock for Sustainable Capitalism (“If anyone out there understands, can I please see a show of hands? Just so I know I'm not insane”)
Intensity - Resist Control (“How much oppression can you take?... Resist control”)
Good Riddance - Darkest Days (“Running on adrenaline...looking for the end or a place I can finally come clean”)
Comeback Kid - The Blackstone (“The chilling sound is fitting in just right”)
The Ataris - Your Boyfriend Sucks (“and you're waiting there, it's tearing you apart”)
Stiff Little Fingers - Guitar & Drum (“I believe in the power of guitar & drum”... so true!)
Bush - Straight No Chaser (“Drink life as it comes, straight no chaser, life as it comes, straight no chaser, flying inside you, away from strangers...It's all in the way we know that we could have it all, some satellites of pain can always be ignored.” Not the most energetic song right at the finish, but fuck me, such a fucking great song.)
OK, so maybe a few were a little abstract, but I'll be damned if they didn't help me through every metre! Plus the Relentless, heh. Here's to the next one! Maybe I'll get round to writing again soon.
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