Brand New Day

May this be the day that I finally fuck those off who piss me off each and every day.

Signed,

No balls

P.S. You Rock My World

Well, what a weekend! Friday: Theatre and Wagamama's with a hotel stay, Saturday: Tampopo and watching "Valkyrie" at the Printworks Odeon, and Sunday: Trafford Centre with another Tampopo and also watching "Role Models".

Now, my immediate thoughts when reading that back one day should be "shit... look at all that money spent!" but I really hope I think of all that sexy, sexy food. Although Sunday's Tampopo wasn't great... the Kimchi (spicy, pickled cabbage) was easily one of the most disgusting things I've eaten in years, and due to a double mistake (one mine, one theirs) they tried to bring us a beef dish each. I still feel sick now. I FUCKING LOVE the Yasai Chilli Men at Wagamama's. It's my goal to get Mum and Dad to eat there.

As for the theatre, I enjoyed "See How They Run" slighly more than "An Ideal Husband"- funnier all the way through, although AIH had some harder laughing going on, if that makes sense. My first farce! I really hope me and Nat get to go the theatre more often. So absorbing! The writing is great too.

Despite all this, the highlight of the weekend for me was without a doubt checking out of the hotel/hostel. They were playing "Macho Nachos" by the Mad Caddies! I never thought I'd be checking out to the Caddies! Boner! Also, I made toast with two Swedes, a German and an Irish. Kinda embarrassing to be "just from up the road"!

Kidding babe, the highlight was spending all this time with you (despite all the sniffling, ha). I love you so much!

Music Is None Of My Business

So I read the other day that Lily Allen has been moaning because she makes no money off her record sales. Also, over the weekend, me and Nat visited two seperate Zavvi stores to check out their closing down sales. Now I find out that Frank Turner's "Love Ire & Song" is being re-released. Maybe with Frank now starting to crack the states the label found this necessary. I have no idea.

It's just all a bit fucked up. I only buy music digitally now, so it's a bit rich coming from me, but I can't help but think of all the independent music shops that have shut over the years. Shops owned by people who generally LOVE music, and not some graduate dork who just sees the salary and bends over. Now, one of their conquerers, Zavvi (Virgin) are themselves shutting down. You would think that the clearance prices would render things cheap. Oh no. DVDs were still up to a tenner a time. This I have a huge problem with. The mark up on DVDs is extortionate, and always has been. Also, frequently, even with piracy, films have already made a killing at the cinema before they even reach the home viewing stage. So to ask people to pay up to £20 for a film, regardless of "special features", and then sometimes release a special edition, which some halfwits shell out again for, is just outrageous.

It's the same with HMV, whose days are numbered in my eyes. Think of all the music around today, all the great albums you want to hear. HMV STILL can be seen charging 16.99 for a fucking cd! Now, I'm no Peter Jones, but I thought the words "adapt" and "survive" were quite closely linked in the business world.

Back to the label/Lily Allen thing. This model is ancient, and I understand that in days gone by, labels were essential to some artists success. Not anymore. Yet the majors are still creaming as much as they can off other people's creations. Although shits like Allen aren't exactly innocent themselves. Look at all the fucking useless merch. Look at the ticket prices, even with all the sponsorship deals.

It seems Frank is going for it now, and whilst this makes me a little sad, I know he's still honest and in it for the music. So who am I to complain?

Having said that, Fat Mike said it best: "Dinosaurs will die". I can't FUCKING WAIT.

Did You Ever Get A Feeling Of Dread?

Today I got home to discover that our guinea pig Gizmo had died, leaving Buddy. Which kind of makes sense, when I think about it, as Buddy must have eaten twice the amount of food that Gizmo ever did. The dirty bully! We're burying Gizmo tonight and it looks like Nat won't be there, despite me expliticly asking that she would be. Nevermind, I (we) am still a little upset over the Jason Manford episode. All that matters is that we say goodbye to Gizmo properly. My first (and best) memory of the two will always be waking up to have Mum and my brothers in my room with 2 new additions to our family crawling all over me. They were so tiny!

Buddy is with me right now, and has been for a couple of hours. Just chilling with me on the bed. This is something I should have done sooner. It's strange, I had been thinking about the yengbusters a lot recently as I hadn't seen them for about a week, what with the weather, dark and poopy working hours. I just hope I get to make up for lost time with Buddy. Although Gizmo seemed in perfect health so you never know.

In other news, I have been rejected by Manchester (who gives one) and Norwich (life-wrecker!) Universities. I have been accepted into Derby and Coventry. Just waiting on Preston now. As I am getting closer, I can fully see this Europe trip not happening and me ending in a far off town at a University I never wanted to be at in the first place.

Luckily, Frank Turner and Jason Manford made for a great weekend!

Head? Chest? Or Foot?

OK so me and Nat went to the cinema last night to see "Defiance". I reviewed the fucker on facebook, but that is not the point of this blog. I am going to go for it and have a Lewis Myspace style bitching.



First of all, whilst the magazine is right next to me and we are about to leave to watch United twat Chelsea, the cover of "take 5" magazine (a Daily Star pull-out) has "Katy Perry: The bad girl of pop" on it. OK we're leaving now so I will come back to this OUTRAGE. Anyway. Many days have passed and there is so much I have not blogged. So I have actually calmed down some what, however I still find it fucking ridiculous that this feature was merely a double page spread of all the crazy outfits she had worn. Such as a fried egg. Ooohhh! BAD-ASS! Pop is such a fucking joke. Why is shit like this even printed, nevermind paid for by complete fucking idiots?

OK so me and Nat have been to the cinema a couple of times recently and both times we have been shown the same advert reel. One of the adverts which ACTUALLY OFFENDS ME (Max Bemis = cock), was the one where it shows a marine wading through the jungle in some far off land whilst a guy is voicing over with words like "fear. Pressure. Adrenaline". Anyway, a local tribesman comes from the trees and points a gun at the marine. However the Marines have got this one fucking covered! All of this twat's buddies pop up and point their guns at the guy. He proceeds to soil himself, and the voice says something along the lines of "brotherhood".

Now, this pisses me off because it is almost a dead cert that someone, somewhere will be watching that and thinking "fuck yeah! I can be that guy! I can prove how fucking hard I am! The advert says it's tough being a Marine, and that if I can do all that shit than I am pretty special!". There we have it. The government has recruited some other dickhead to do their dirty work for them. I mean, the advert ACTUALLY shows it! These marines were in a foreign land, and for what (good) reason would that be? Well, if the governent wants it doing, it must be right, right? Furthermore, bcause it's in our countries interest, I suppose it's cool that in real life these fuckwits probably would not think twice about taking a life for the powers that be.

And all this in the comfort of our own local Odeon. When companies and governments collide, we suffer in the end.

Dick Lips

Today I noticed a huge cock drawn into the frost on a bus stop on Glover Road. It was the size of the stop.

I don't think the old lady getting on at the time appreciated my unrelenting laugher.

In other news, Coventry accept!

The Great Test

An entry from my high school year book, in the summer of 2000:

So Al,
It's time at last, we're leaving, so do you think you have matured??? Probably not (mentally anyway). You've continued to repeatedly push my patients (sic) to the wire, but I'm still here, helping you out when you need it. But I regularly ask myself why??? Why am I still here?? Why do I put up (with) the day in day out abuse?? I have put up with it for too long, I expect you to mature in the next year, grow out of your Mosher Madness (mabey (sic) you won't).

So see ya next year, we're obviously going to stay together, but that will obviously be regularly questioned, I do have a limit so please calm down you skittage or you will find yourself with fewer mates.

Grow up
From Big Pete.

That was 8 and a half years ago. It's strange that I find this today of all days. A couple of mornings ago Paul the security guard was hungover to buggery (like most of the time) and had his head on the table. So I climbed up on a stool and let rip a hot piercer on his head. He laughed. I laughed. You see, all me and Paul talk about is cocks, stretching anuses and raping babies or something like that. Also, consider the fact that the guy is a fucking scrubber. He is a raging alcoholic, probably never showers and is constantly trying to get me to lend him money. Once I lent him a quid. I got it back about 3 weeks later. A matter of principle. However, don't get me wrong. I like the guy. He's funny as hell. If hell was very funny.

So imagine my surprise today when I fart as usual and he says "oh and by the way, do us a favour mate, don't fart on my head ever again. Do it again and we're going to fall out. I thought that was disgusting." Personally, I really don't see what was disgusting about that or any other act of farting. Additionally, as previously stated, this guy really can't talk. Anyway, point taken. I never set out to aggravate people. Unless they're twats.

Some things never change I suppose.

Insulted By Germans

I have forgotten to note the trip to Dusseldorf on here. Me and Nat, 4 days, her birthday present. I am feeling lazy, so I will just mention how rude I found the people over there.

Perhaps it was big city syndrome, perhaps not.

Chasing Cars

The other night I looked out across the drive from my room and saw 5 cars. There was 6 people home, the 6th person being Nat. Guess who was the odd one out?

For a moment, I felt a sense of underachievement. I felt incomplete.

Then I remembered the reasons why I don't own a car, even if at times I have thought it would be cool.

I'll stick with Europe and Uni.