Love as a Weapon

This is a war
With love as a weapon
When all that you've lived for is gone

Christ Punchers

I believe, I believe in reality.

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

I've obviously had this addiction for a long time, although along the way I've tried to convince myself that I haven't. However, one feeling has remained constant throughout - at least my addiction isn't physical. I've always maintained that I really can't see how people can get hooked to alcohol.

Recently, things have changed. That is because I'm starting to accept more and more of the science behind addiction. Also, for the first time, the other day, I actually pictured myself as an alcoholic. I have so little faith in myself or my life now that that image is one that I can genuinely imagine coming to fruition.

I haven't blogged in ages. The second half of this year in particular has been the worst ever and I really don't know if I can face my family over Christmas.

Also, I suppose I should note that last Tuesday I went to hospital for a suspected broken toe - turns out it was just fractured. There goes my flawless hospital record.

Another Year Goes By

The last year has been the worst of my life.

When are things going to change?

Another Year Goes By

The last year has been the worst of my life.

When are things going to change?

Irresponsible Hate Anthem

FUCK IT!

I wasn't born with enough middle fingers.

War of the Worlds

Just as all the good things come to an end
Even the survivors will die in the end.

Any my heart aches.

Every Word

I've just finished watching "The Pursuit of Happyness". Whilst the film may have its faults, the theme cut deeper with me right now than it normally would. As if pure (black) magic, I found my bank account to be less than empty merely minutes after the closing credits. My train fare to Stoke tomorrow is £7.70. I have £8 in my wallet. That is lucky I suppose.

I really hope that tomorrow can really be the start of the recovery. I should be getting paid by Mum and Dad for a couple of days of work. Then I head to Munich with SCUB on Friday - I already have my Euros stashed away for that. I did really want to cancel the trip, what with my dire financial position and the fact that the mighty WARD CORNER are reuniting on Saturday. But we do need to get away. Nat more than me - she has been amazing, and I really would be screwed without her.

It is strange, because I've been feeling a lot better at times recently. I am reading more, playing guitar, drinking less and even going for a RUN today. But I'm so down right now. This Summer I've been working more with some of the other RAs and by christ they're a bunch of self-righteous arses. This, twinned with the fact that it doesn't seem we should be expecting a payrise. On top of the long standing farce of equal pay with our colleagues.

I am being tested right now. I am angry right now. Thank fuck this song absolutely rips.

Ballad of Chasey Lain

Some people grow more "mature" with the years, and some still laugh at the same jokes they did during high school.

I realised today, however, that I find this rip-roarer even funnier than back then. I am destined for jail.

Fell on Deaf Ears

I really do seem to be getting stupider. There have been a couple of jokes recently that not only did I fail to get, I completely missed altogether. Plus, speaking clearly is becoming increasingly difficult - not only do I seem to be mumbling more, I grow less and less articulate every day.

A particular low point would have been Monday when the Fajtas played the division leaders, who are all completely deaf. At one point the ball ran free near the goal. I charged towards it, slightly behind the attacker. I shouted a battle charge of sorts to maybe put my opponent off.