Sunday, 23 December 2012

Killed The Lord, left for the new world.

Well. I'm lying in bed in Dahlia Reserve. It's been eight long years since I've been here, although when the pool water first lapped around me a week ago, not only did it feel like it simply could not have been that long, but also like the misery was instantly washed off and the shit instantly cleaned from my head. I feel a tad unsure about using the word 'misery' as recently I have gained a new and fervent appreciation of all I've had and have in my life. But there's no denying that I have been miserable in the past, and at times suicidal. I say this now because I am reflecting on the past eight years so I intensely, and if this really is to be a new chapter, I have to know what precisely was in this chapter.

I've been reading John Irving and whilst I'm enjoying just reading again, the guy has such a way with words that I'm inclined to try to improve my own. What I like most though is his marriage of realism, poetry and humour. I feel like a pretentious prick when I try to write properly. I usually like to write about farts and beer. But there is one thing I know tonight. If I could combine those three things to form my attitude to life, I'd be well on my way.

I have toyed with the idea of writing everything I can muster about the last few years. I feel inspired but also duty bound. Not that anyone would care, but I know it would help me. At the very least, I should commit my 2012 memories to here before this year commits itself fully to nothing more than mere words. As Owen Meany would say, everything happens for a reason.

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

A Promise to Resist

In addition to the song idea I scribbled down when it came to me at PAC on Saturday, I'm now sat in the house watching United vs Braga, and that is all I've done.

Proactive recovery.

Monday, 8 October 2012

I Understand It

I was hoping for a Quinder Spring, but it turns out that the only definition I can (almost) find is rape.

Still, it's time. A successful 5 days.

Monday, 17 September 2012

I've Got One Jealous Again, Again

I knew it was over when I put on "Stay What You Are".
You grabbed the TV remote control
You put on X Factor
And I put on some headphones
And cheated with my first love, rock 'n' roll!

Monday, 30 April 2012

Hell Yes

Nottingham, 18.48 - T3, Pakefield Tom.

There, I said it.

Friday, 6 April 2012

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Vanadian

No particular relevance with the song, it's just song of the day after I recovered from the current misery.

(This is an unfinished blog post from the other day).

Here I am though, in the library, having started my globalisation essay over 5 weeks early! Things could work out yet! The bursary is due on Friday, and I was on the uni radio last week (thanks to Pete and Carl) - as well as completing the Sport Relief six mile run over the weekend. I only managed it in an hour and 25 seconds, but I was taking it easy with Aaron Itzerott. I was happy with my rhythm though, just need to up the speed. There's a 10k this weekend, but it is £25. Hmmm.

Lithuania is booked and the sun is shining, so perhaps I'll avoid blogging about the overruling sadness from the past week or so.

Scrapping the Barrel

Lyrics, rough draft:

After all the life changing moments
That were obliterated by the morning hangover
All I'm left with is an existitential misfire
A note to all the songs lost
And it's as clear today as the night when
Roddy came to me between Propagandhi and Enya
I know you were telling me what I've always suspected:
The first step, merely by its presence, is paramount.
So I sing away the sickness with a voice
That may seem laughable to some
But this step could be a life changing moment.

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

A Hint and the Incapacity

Yesterday I spent a long time making texts that I didn't want to make, getting replies that were painful to hear, sat listening to this song endlessly in a spot where my Derby Uni journey started a few years ago.

It was an emotional moment, one I'm still coming to terms with.

Friday, 2 March 2012

The Sound of Winter

Tonight I've seen three things that could change my life forever:

http://www.horsedeathwatch.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvGHMTJLmYQ

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2006/oct/01/horseracing.sport

Truly shocking stuff. I hate myself for being so ignorant. The Winter has been a bad one, but I've been trying! The help has been there too - I must reignite that when Mum and Dad return from Portugal.

The Sun shone so brightly today. Maybe I can finally land the fatal blow on this addiction. That is all I can write for now as I've been at a similar place before. We shall see.

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Love as a Weapon

This is a war
With love as a weapon
When all that you've lived for is gone